We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
