I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
