I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
