my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
