What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
this beer tastes like vomit already
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
