Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
