What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
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