sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
