that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
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And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
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I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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