i need an iv and a liver transplant
i think i have two assholes
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
