I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
