I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
