Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
