Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I'm eating all of the evidence.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
