My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
