Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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