My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
