oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
only you would photoshop your dick
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
