margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
