Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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