the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
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