my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
