He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Congratulations! We have a period
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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