Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
