Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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