i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
