I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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