Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
