I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
