dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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