Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
