The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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