Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize