she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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