C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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