so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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