i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Randomize