Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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