I CAN MOONWALK!
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
