On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
