dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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