I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
