Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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