I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
