it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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