the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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