...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
