I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
