I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
NoShamevember. You game?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Randomize
