Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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