btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize