it wasn't lemon gatorade
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
