your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
