he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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