i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
