Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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