Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
