He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
