just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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