I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
