Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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