Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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