Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
