somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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