The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
