Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
We need a shit load of segways right now
he just fucked me for my cheese..
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
