Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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