I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
