I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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