I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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