So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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