Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I hate all girls vehemently.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
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