dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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