omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
